It's occurred to me recently that it's time to disconnect myself from my body as much as I can. I've spent so much time over the past couple of years fighting against various illnesses, which has caused me to put nearly all of my energy into babying myself to the point of obsession. Some of these activities have genuinely made me feel better, but mostly this behavior has turned me into a neurotic mess. Frankly, my body can kinda fuck off now. I have done my very best to sort my flesh and guts out and pamper them and soothe them; it's like my body has been a whiny toddler throwing a tantrum for the past two-three years, and I am ready for a break.
I realize now that I have spent far too long obsessing about trying to be healthy while neglecting every other thing I could be doing to shift my focus elsewhere. I have allowed my body to eclipse my life in so many ways, I'm not sure that I can even count them all. I have become fearful of pretty much everything. I have let my connection to the outside world be severed completely. I don't care about the people I've lost nearly as much as I miss being a part of the Earth, though.
I need to feel the Earth under my feet again. I need to breathe the air without worrying about my fucking allergies or asthma. I need to dig my hands deep into the soil, get them dirty, be part of growing things and nurturing things. I need to open my eyes to all the amazingness around me instead of being so self-involved. I need to feel the goddamned wind. I need to bake my skin in the sun's rays. I need to admire the trees and the plants and the bugs and critters that lurk beyond my apartment's walls. I need to lose myself for a while. I need to let go.
Est-ce que le corps exclut l'esprit ou l'esprit ne exclut le corps? Je ne sais pas.
