Living in this place for the past year has transformed me so much. Having the space to breathe, and be still, and feel safe, secure, and at peace. This was all I had longed for for as long as I can remember, and it's turned out even better than I had hoped it could be. As much as my entire house has meant to me, there is nowhere I have been happier than out in my yard. It's rare that I just go and sit outside, though. There is always something to do, and I honestly love doing it all. It's so satisfying being outside and using my body to make my little plot of land beautiful. Sometimes I get too into it and wear myself out, but still it's nice to feel your body being tired after all of your hard work.
Sweeping off the sidewalks and patio brings me joy. Planning ways to change the landscape to make it nicer, and more mine, brings me joy. Digging holes and planting new things brings me joy. Tending to and watering my plants brings me joy. Pulling weeds brings me joy. Cleaning up the previous owner's messes and seeing how lovely my yard can be brings me joy. Raking up leaves and putting them into bags brings me joy. Hanging a swing from one of my trees brings me joy. Sprinkling seeds into the dirt brings me joy. Simply walking around and surveying the progress of all of my efforts brings me joy. The only thing out there that doesn't bring me joy is the mosquitos, but my manfriend and I are working on a solution for that.
It feels great every time I do any little thing to care for my house, but the yard is what really does it for me more than anything else for sure. Maybe because it's a living being, and constantly evolving - never static; Once you paint a wall it's done, but the landscape is always, always, always changing. There is nothing more satisfying to me than seeing how that love and care can truly transform everything around you. To make this place pretty and nice, and have neighbors tell you how pretty and nice you have made it, and they are so grateful that their neighborhood looks better now, too.
There's something truly existential about gardening. Like, you can do your very best and put your entire heart into caring for a plant, but it can die anyway. And you can clear out the pest plants so that your good ones can shine, but the pests will come back so you are never really "done." It's kind of a metaphor about life, I think. There are always going to be forces beyond your control throwing a wrench into things. You can put your all into something and it might not always work out like you planned, but the effort is its own reward, and you always learn something so that next time it might turn out better.
Every time I am out in my yard taking care of my little slice of the world I feel nothing but infinite gratitude. Once in a while I feel a little guilty that I can be out there living my life how I want to, with all of the privilege of being a homeowner and how so many others never get to be. But I also know that I paid my dues and went through so much to finally be here, and I have earned a chance for a little bit of peace. I do not take this place for granted. I know that at any moment it could all go away, but right now I am so thankful that I am here in my garden watching it grow, and seeing it become more and more beautiful every day.