Felicity is my favorite tv show of all time, and right now my son and I are watching it. This is maybe the 6th or 7th time I've watched the entire series... maybe even more than that, I'm not sure, but I am so incredibly excited to be sharing it with my kid since I love it so much. If you've never seen it but want to see it, please stop reading now as I'm about to write a major spoiler!!!!
Ok, tonight we finally got to the episode where Meghan casts the spell and Felicity goes back in time. I have been chomping at the bit for this part of the show to start, as it's one of the reasons why I love it so much. If you didn't already know, the episode previous to this one was actually the intended finale of the show, but it turns out that they had several more episodes to fill after all, so it took some clever writing to come up with a new plot twist to extend the series. And thus, the time travel spell takes place.
I bring this up because while I've always loved this turn of events on the show because it's so fun and unexpected, I never really thought much about it on a philosophical level. Now, tonight, after watching it again for the 7th, 8th, or who knows how many times, I'm kind of seeing it from a new perspective; if I could go back in time to one particular day and start over, what day would I pick and why? That's quite a crazy thing to contemplate...
I'm not gonna lie, I haven't exactly been on cloud 9 the past few years. Well, for a long time, really. So much of that feeling is tied up with my absolute certainty that this town I've been living in isn't a fit for me, and hasn't been in, oh, 18 years. That's an awful long time to be living in a place that makes you feel like you don't belong at all. So on the one hand I look back to when I was pregnant with my son, before my ex-husband and I got married. We were supposed to move to L.A., where I'm from, and had made all of these plans and had everything sorted out. But then my ex got an offer from his work that we couldn't refuse, so we stayed. Had I known then that I would end up divorced a couple of years later and would spend the better part of the next two decades generally miserable, yeah, I would have to say I'd go back and change things and end up moving after all. What if I had moved back to L.A.? Would I have still ended up divorced? Oh yeah, no doubt about that. But would I have been happier? There is no way of knowing, of course, but I doubt I would've felt any worse than I have felt being stuck here.
But then there's the flipside of that way of thinking, just like on the show, that that one decision ripples all throughout not only your life, but everyone else around you's life as well. There are consequences to every action. If I would've moved back then, I wouldn't have met you. Sure, things have not exactly turned out how I'd hoped with you, but still, the knowing you and being with you whenever I could over the past almost 7 years was worth a great deal and not something I would ever want to trade away. Had I left town all those years ago, we'd have never, ever, ever crossed paths in the random way that we did. It's impossible to wrap your mind around how significant even the smallest decisions you make can be, like me happening to watch the news that day and seeing you on there. If I simply would have not had the tv on, or had I been on another channel, you and I would have never found each other.
I need to try harder to be thoughtful about these types of things. I get too caught up thinking of ways my life isn't what I want it to be instead of working harder at changing things to make it better. I suppose it's difficult to even know how to change them, let alone what I want to change them to, but I am going to really take notice of all of the little decisions I make from now on, just to be sure that I don't miss out on something good and totally unexpected.
Merci pour votre rapport aujourd'hui. Il m'a fait plus heureux que je l'ai été dans un temps très long ...
